i wish i could do something rn

like yes i’m lonely but also i’m dumb and i need advice and the only people i have around are the people while i was underage and i was an idiot and everyone was mean but also not true but i’m scared of my friends i’m so dumb haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha if i were to talk to them they wouldn’t actually wanna hear from me

can you tell my paranoia and depression is getting worse or is it just me lol